This made it into my inbox today.

After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a “gripe sheet,” which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Quantas’ pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded by the maintenance engineers (marked with an M).

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

M: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

M: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.

M: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

M: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

M: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

M: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

M: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

M: That’s what they’re for.

P: IFF inoperative.

M: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

M: Suspect you’re right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.

M: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.

M: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.

M: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.

M: Cat installed.

P. Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

M: Took hammer away from midget